Hot-Shot Copywriter to Shill PowerPoint Shell

http://www.gener8tor.com/jobs/

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Position: Bad@$$ Content Writer / Interviewer with DeckPresenter

We need someone who can create content like what is seen on:
- mailchimp’s blog
- okcupid’s blog
- seomoz’s blog
- appsumo

You are a rock solid writer, right? Shoot us an application with a short story telling us why we should hire you Forget about your resume and cover letter. All we care about is that you write like a rockstar PS. Did I mention we are a totally fun company that you WANT to work for?!

Contact:
Brian Curliss: briancurliss[at]gmail.com
http://www[dot]deckpresenter[dot]com

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I went on a slog on this blog about the rather unpleasant downsides of including university studies in your intended career path -- hint: it's an expensive detour for a plurality -- and ventured on fanciful side stories or "gaidens" -- directly related to some type of occupation to fit the overall theme -- to keep myself from getting bored. Seeing a job vacancy for content writer motivated me not to apply (for reasons explained herein) but to critique it for the world.

The blogs mentioned in the above job description are narrowly and formulaically focused -- almost autistically so -- on the same tired topics such as boosting web traffic and monetizing page views. Being able to write a dozen or so paragraphs of original, non-syndicated content with cohesion and proper grammar throughout does require a mind for semantics and syntax. However, that doesn't require anyone to be cool, hip, or inspiring. Are those qualities possessed by a "rotten derriere writer?"

'Tis the season to part with your money!

Enjoy unique apparel and stationery!

Also, what's up with these mascot gimmicks such as chimpanzees and rikishis? Are they implying that MailChimp slingshots email to your contacts like apes fling feces? What are the implications of AppSumo employees being "sumos" -- throwing around their weight; wrestling with deadlines; spending too much time being sedentary to gain the bulk of the sumo without the strength?

The job description goes on to say, "All we care about is that you write like a rockstar." Really? So background checks are not part of the vetting process? And you want an egotistical person to boot? (There is a reason they chose the term "rockstar" instead of "high performer.")

The postscript scares me away from the firm, though -- emphasizing how "totally fun" an organization is usually an indicator you'll work 60+ hours each week. Life is too short to be working longer than 12-hour days! Maybe work four 15-hour days and give yourself every third day off? The schedule would be like this:    Work | Work | Off | Work | Work | Off | Off | Repeat

I've done a handful of minimal-sleep days during inspired writing sessions on unpublished works in development and can tell you that just about anything becomes entertaining or humorous when your mind is clamoring for a rest. Sleep deprivation is documented as inducing roughly 400% greater sensitivity to emotional stimuli as illustrated in the righthand bar chart of proportionate or standardized effect size (as the lefthand chart is non-standardized).

Unless you're in the acting industry, “emotional lability” is a liability! Most people from just about any culture feel uncomfortable around someone with mood swings; sleep deprivation causes precisely such volatility; and organizations which promote longer work weeks contribute to the emotional instability of employees and therefore to irrational decisions, impulsive behavior, and organizational instability.

Imagine five times the emotionality in a challenging setting, and you have a recipe for emotive outbursts. That is when the employer reaches into its fun bags Bags ‘o’ Fun in hopes of eliciting laughter rather than wailing and gnashing of teeth. It is therefore no mystery how so many hectic, high-pressure firms with above-average hours worked per employee may call themselves "fun" without massive disagreement among former employees (considering the current ones would likely be found out if they complained on blogs, social media, or the like).

Any "mean mamma-jamma" content I write is going to be published on my own blog or as a guest contributor who maintains 100% ownership of intellectual property -- not for an organization which would claim ownership and perhaps not even permit disclosure of the actual author's identity. Whoever DeckPresenter finds will need to figure out just how that service is superior in any manner to SlideShare.

Predictable interview question and pithy answer: “Explain how DP doubles your PowerPoint-viewing pleasure.” “By facilitating teamwork?” While that’s not how I would respond if I were to actually apply for the position, such a retort is fitting for the soon-to-be-sleep-deprived-and-emotionally-volatile “rockstar” candidate they seek.

Financial Recruiter for Woodworkers’ Affinity Group

http://www.careerrookie.com/jobs/Financial-Services-Manager-Entry-Level-Insurance-Finance-Recruiter/J3H1D8613NXXD8GQT83?siteid=cb_jobalert

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Financial Services Manager-Entry Level Insurance/Finance/Recruiter

Job Description
If you are a competitive, diligent and process-oriented individual who is able to consistently motivate and lead others to success, then join our management team at Modern Woodmen of America! We are currently hiring-on and hiring-to-train confident and ambitious Financial Services Managers to help us build a team of successful Financial Services Representatives. Your efforts will work toward making a positive impact on the lives of our members and their communities.

    You will recruit representatives and train them to be high-performing financial professionals through careful supervision and instruction – involving them in the community and developing both their personal and professional knowledge. If you are a communicative, amiable and determined individual who wants to pursue a business management career with a stable and secure industry leader, then Modern Woodmen of America may be the right place for you!

Job Responsibilities
As a Financial Services Manager for Modern Woodmen of America, you will attract, select, train and supervise your team members to help them attain higher levels of success. You will instruct them on proper customer dialogue and interaction as well as educate them on our product line and the benefits of our services.
Additional responsibilities for the Financial Services Manager include:
   - Identifying and developing strong future leaders
   - Commanding the aspirations of your team members
   - Continuing to grow your own leadership skills personally and professionally

Job Requirements
Modern Woodmen of America is also seeking a financially stable individual who either has a proven history of sales management, managerial success in the financial industry, or is willing to undergo extensive training in order to effectively develop into this position.
Additionally, the Financial Services Manager should:
   - Have or be able to attain applicable industry designations
   - Have or be able to attain Series 6, 63 and 26 licenses
   - College graduate or some college preferred
   - Have at least three years of continuous U.S. residency
   - Be a U.S. citizen or hold a permanent resident visa
   - Read, write and speak English fluently

'Tis the season to part with your money!

Enjoy unique apparel and stationery!

Benefits
At Modern Woodmen of America, we recognize how hard our team members work in order to provide our members with the best products and service possible. Therefore, we are pleased to offer our Financial Services Managers extensive training, competitive compensation and an excellent benefits package.
Additional benefits available to the Financial Services Manager include:
   - Medical & Dental Insurance
   - 401(k) Retirement Planning w/ Company Match
   - Non-contributory retirement plans
   - Group health and dental benefits
   - Group term life insurance benefits
   - Optional group disability insurance benefits
   - Laptop provided
   - Social Security and Medicare taxes paid
For more information on Modern Woodmen of America, please visit our career website at http://www.mwacareers.org

Company Overview
Modern Woodmen of America is a fraternal benefit society based in Rock Island, Ill. Modern Woodmen serves more than 760,000 members nationwide, offering life insurance, annuity, investment* and banking products, along with fraternal member benefits for families and their communities.

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Acknowledging the above job description is for a financial services manager, my observations which follow are valid for a number of related occupations: hob-knobbing and rubbing elbows with the dominant consensus builders in your community is akin to being a politician in that you’re trying to win others’ trust and authorization to take some type of action on their behalf. Although being financially stable -- often measured by having a credit score of 700 or above and an earnings-to-debt ratio of at least $5:$1 -- is a personal characteristic necessary to seem competent and unlikely to misappropriate your clients' money, already having a positive reputation within your community of marks target geography is critical so others will refer new business towards you.

In the case of a financial recruiter, you manage others’ money as an organizational and/or personal trustee; in the case of a politician, you do that via appropriations and vote on other legislation. Being family-friendly and without any substantial legal history is pretty much a requisite unless you’re a financial manager in the slums; in that case, good luck finding the wealthy residents while keeping your nose clean -- most such property managers or “slum lords” live outside the districts of their properties.

It is time-consuming and potentially expensive financially to maintain a community presence sufficient to portray yourself as not only trustworthy but more integrated into the communal fabric than your competitors. The person who is content to read alone Friday nights – let alone the individual for whom a social life is necessary only to earn income at some job or another -- need not apply.

The successful finance recruiter is capable of changing the mind of the person who says, “Thanks, but I have enough friends.” The wealthy person must be persuaded that you are an all-weather ally and not just the latest fair-weather friend to have drinks on his or her tab. Conversely, the finance recruiter will need to dispense with lower-income folks as expediently as possible to minimize time spent on low-return clients.

I find it interesting how the selling of oneself to the customer as not only a competent service provider but also a worthwhile human being is quite achingly, in-your-face obvious within the finance, insurance, and real estate (FIRE) industries. Those are expected to be the greatest economic powerhouses for concentrating wealth in the coming years -- and considering the increasing diagnosis rates of developmental disorders as well as documented reduction in social capital associated with the same, I can see why it will become more difficult to find truly capable FIRE workers instead of those who might merely look qualified on paper (have a finance degree, know insurance marketing tactics, etc. but don’t have many friends). Then again, the Internet has facilitated the exchange of so much previously isolated information such that some portion of the labor force will research and rehearse those mannerisms which they might not naturally acclimate to but need to demonstrate to win others’ confidence.

At least equally important is the locale in which the incumbent will work: aside from the idealistic college kids at UW-Washington County, West Benders generally hate dislike people they don't know. Therefore, I estimate the person to be hired as MWA's next financial recruiter will in fact have been active in multiple West Bend social circles for some time.

Communications Director Matt Guidry of The United Council of UW Students, Inc. has graciously informed me of a survey which it is conducting in conjunction with One Wisconsin Institute to sample the average debt, living conditions, geographies, and demographics of university graduates who are either paying student loan debt or are in deferment on payment of one or more student loans.

Although the sponsoring organizations as based in Wisconsin, all university graduates in arrears are welcome to participate because there are questions to segment respondents by state and by ZIP code. And yes, the survey really does require only five minutes maximum, even if you tab through the page elements rather than use the mouse.

University Graduate Student
Loan Debt Survey

Click here to access the survey!

Addendum: Congratulations if you paid your way through university without loans or paid off your debt really quickly with a high-paying job right out of college, but we're looking for university graduates who are still under one or more student loan debt obligations, whether they've graduated this May or have been a graduate for many years but have been unable to repay all student loan debt -- thanks!

You can do better; go to trade school!

You’re Graduating -- So What?

My primary audience for today’s post is the newly minted or soon-to-be college graduate. You’ve shown enough topical knowledge to be certified as knowing your way through the concepts of one or more subject matters. "A winner is you!" Why the sarcasm? Any obstacles in obtaining student employment were preludes to the perilous challenges of securing real employment in the adult world without the “benefit of the doubt” which accompanies the youngest of job applicants.

Contrast the “industrious” perception of the high schooler who applies for an entry-level assembly, customer service, or otherwise menial job against the “desperate” college graduate who applies for the same job. Whereas the former is too young to have an adult employment record and hence has an excuse for lack of prior experience -- much like a person lacking a credit history has a fairly high credit score -- the latter is expected to have not only had a continuous employment record but also shown an increase in prestige with each subsequent job.

Be prepared for unemployment after conferral of your degree if your jobs have been Work Study or otherwise student-only. Given the timing of this post, some of you might have statistical homework or research papers requiring a statistical summary section. If that is your lot and you realize the futility of graduation but still want or need to earn an “A” on your stats work, then send me a project request.

Bonus: Check out these unapologetically captioned graduation pictures!

Also, Dave Granlund drew a poignant political cartoon --recolored by yours truly for dramatic effect -- biting into the ritual psychodrama bookending the modern university system:

If you've spent the better part of your high school years preparing for admission to a quality university -- most state universities are crap despite being accredited -- then you can be forgiven for thinking the university is your be-all and end-all to a good life. However, you've been forewarned about the possibility that you've been preparing for an illusory outcome which will never exist in your lifetime -- you can be very accomplished in studies, Work Study, and other university activities but be strung out employment-wise upon and after graduation.

Spring Update

It's been almost a month since I posted, but I remain interested in writing for this blog. I just don't have the time right now due to preparing my tax filings, tying up a few loose ends, and setting several other things into motion. I'll post again when it is convenient for me to do so.

Also, April 21 is the final day to donate to the "Dara Says" film project and get any number of gift receipts or "perks" as they are known in the crowdfunding crowd. Click here for background information and some rockin' GIFs.

I will say this: I've realized that applying for a job is like proposing oneself as a slave, with an employment contract constituting both a bill of sale and consent to have your behavior scrutinized, potentially including a consensual waiving of First Amendment speech rights and sometimes Fourth Amendment rights if you take any of your work home. So if one can survive by "doing one's own thing," then why pursue a higher socioeconomic class? Is the aggravation worth it? That is a personal judgment call.

Some readers may be shocked to hear such a perspective from someone who recently wrote about how unions reward under-achievement. The fact is that I find both perspectives to be true: The need to work within a standardized system of money instead of mutual barter puts many into effective slavery, and within that system, social elites exist among those of the working class who effectively vote each other into the trade groups and unions if you're "one of them," thereby rewarding you financially for reading the minds of union decision makers and exuding just the right culture to fit their world view.

Yet, you'll scarcely hear this dual acknowledgement in corporate-owned media because it is in no one's political interest. What compromise would come of the admission of the validity of mutually contrary perspectives? Nihilism? Dropping out of the social scam and getting by with the minimum income possible and choosing to not add more producers or consumers to the population? My life is at panel 6 of this Jack Chick tract (at the same place in life -- although about 40% older), and that's where I'm stopping off mode-of-living-wise no matter how much farther I go chronologically.

The people who will call you "lazy" for choosing to opt for less work than you could have -- even though you HAVE PLENTY and do not need anything additional -- and for remaining single and childless are NOT your allies. They're trying to get you to make THEM more money through both immediate work and the guaranteed consumption and possible labor which your otherwise conceived children would eventually perform.

Don't change your ways for them! Ignore their criticism. Let them fend for themselves and remain frustrated at your unwillingness to play their wasteful game. Use your time to help yourself rather than to benefit social decision makers who don't have your interests anywhere near their heart.

"What's My Value?" - An original poem by Joseph Ohler, Jr.

Popular question, or so it seems / Graduates face to realize their dreams /
Of what to the table you will bring / Of which achievements do you sing /
Whoa! Better than belief? Dude's unreal / Talking about himself with such a spiel! /
Hiring manager beguiled / Corporate culture defiled /
"Independence," that dirty word / Company needs become absurd /
Treating applicants like a bunch of parity / But this graduate proves to be a rarity

Individuality! The cliches deny / Elsewhere your success will lie /
Don't need to sell my value / Only tell what is true /
Of course, I don't fit your tidy hatch / Because nonpareil people have no match /
So don't feel *too* disappointed / For missing out on the anointed /
"Blasphemy! What will you do for me?!?" / It's not my concern; go drink your tea! /
Or if you're like me / Then brew some coffee

"Why, I never heard arrogance like that!" / "For an adult, such a spoiled brat!" /
Diminishing advantage for remaining couth / So now I'm SHOUTING undiluted truth /
Job creators act high and mighty / But when *I* do, it's so uptight-y /
No one's my master; no contractual trap / Why help them? Why give a crap! /
No keyholders to my grandiose gate / Don't need approval to know who's great /
And neither should you, if under-employed / And then realize, you'll be overjoyed!

Bonus: Here's a downloadable rap of the above poem! | Size: 2.23MB | Length: 01:37

Bonus Part II: Here's a downloadable lounge rendition of the above poem! | Size: 3.91MB | Length: 02:51

04-01-2013 Update: My message has apparently proven inspirational to at least one self-described "under-privileged" youth. Here's a rendition by "Dijon" of Harlem, NY!

'Tis the season to part with your money!

Enjoy unique apparel and stationery!

American Family Insurance Investigation Acolyte

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http://amfam.taleo.net/careersection/american+family+insurance+external/jobdetail.ftl?job=03394&lang=en
"Job Title: Property/Auto Lines Product Internship
Job ID: 03394
Division: Personal Lines
Work Location(s): United States-Wisconsin-Madison
Full/Part Time: AIT or Intern
Position Details
The preferred candidate will have experience planning and organizing, utilizing analytical skills, and working in a team environment.
Position Objective
Working in an internship position under the direction of a senior level employee, completes projects or tasks that support the business area goals and results. Performs tasks by adapting to new or changing situations in a team environment. Gathers information, plans and organizes work efficiently and effectively. Applies and learns technical skills appropriate to the specific job assignment.
Primary Accountabilities
Supports Division`s Business Goals/Results (20%)
-- Begins to develop an understanding of American Family`s business environments, corporate culture and structure to support work initiatives.
-- Maintains work efficiency and responds positively to a changing environment.
-- Is open to and supports new ideas, systems and procedures. Generates creative ideas and actions in response to changing situations.
-- Promptly adjusts strategies or tactics in situations where the current approaches are ineffective.
Information Gathering (20%)
-- Demonstrates ability to gather appropriate information. Efficiently identifies sources of information for a wide variety of problems or needs.
-- Seeks help when information is difficult to obtain. Seeks out knowledgeable people to obtain information or clarify a problem.
-- Probes skillfully to get both information and its context. Uses skillful questioning to draw out implied and indirect information.
Planning & Organizing (20%)
-- Plans, prioritizes, and organizes tasks.
-- Schedules time appropriately to accomplish objectives. Stays focused and avoids distractions.
-- Breaks down projects into component tasks.
-- Identifies and uses appropriate resources.
-- Completes projects and tasks efficiently and effectively.
Teamwork (20%)
-- Cooperates with other team members and builds a spirit of unity within the team.
-- Fulfills commitments to other team members. Informs team members of important or relevant information for team success.
-- Initiates activities and actively participates in the decision making process to achieve goals.
-- Recognizes the efforts of other team members and values individual differences.
Technical Expertise (20%)
-- Demonstrates a depth of judgment, knowledge and technical skill important for the position.
-- Applies knowledge of basic techniques and concepts.
-- Uses good judgment to handle basic issues and problems.
-- Acquires and applies new skills as necessary.
Job Competencies
-- Achieve Results
-- Be Accountable
-- Maximize Customer Experience
-- Adaptability
-- Information Gathering
-- Planning & Organizing
-- Technical Expertise
Specialized Knowledge and Skills Requirements
-- Must be in pursuit of a master's, bachelor's or associate degree or certificate program that is related to the internship.
Working Conditions
-- This position requires the ability to work in loud noise (examples: metal can manufacturing department, large earth-moving equipment).
--- This position requires the ability to work in very loud noise (examples: jack hammer work, front row at a rock concert)."

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We interrupt this post for a word from our sponsor:

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Although I’ve expanded the scope of my blog to critically examine -- provide a potentially controversial counterpoint for equal consideration -- the feasibility of actually working in certain occupations, today I return to the original premise of “Absurd Job Vacancies:” the analysis of how ridiculous a job sounds when its stand-alone description is elaborated upon within a broader context beyond the cozy confines of a well-packaged, idealistic view of riskless opportunities. You might say that I grind away the gilt leaf and glitter from these preconceived opportunities to “read between the lines” by raising awareness of which real-life behaviors those cryptically written tasks and vague objectives actually translate into.

The intern or Agent-In-Training (AIT) will dive headfirst into the office politics of getting information from those who’d rather not disclose and assistance from those who’d rather not be bothered. Expect to call early, call often! Cue this mashed-up Dilbert® strip:

(Click the image for a higher-fidelity version.)

Potentially conflicting duties are to “inform team members of relevant or important information,” “seek help when information is difficult to obtain,” and to “stay focused and avoid distractions.” It is very feasible that an employee attempting to hold a coworker’s attention in fulfillment of the first two directives may be seen as a distraction in violation of the third objective.

Also, the work conditions are a little extreme for an office-based job. I can only presume the exposure to loud noises from machinery and amplifiers is due to risk evaluations conducted during the riskiest portions of business operations. For example, monitoring machine operators for adherence to safety protocols and watching crowd control procedures of security staff during a raucous concert may be duties of the position similar to what an independent safety inspector would have.

It makes sense when considering most insurance decisions are based on demographics and safety record. Why not send the insurance agent on an impromptu inspection to catch clients off-guard to document violations and subsequently raise insurance premiums? Thus, the incumbent has the duty to “use skillful questioning to draw out implied and indirect information.” Your insurance agent is like a cop, but friendlier! And whatever you do, don’t mention anything about backyard wrestling. From what I’ve seen, that activity can pose considerable risks to life and limb.